BETWEEN THE SHEETS

 

Welcome one and all to the brand spanking new and first ever installment of Between the Sheets, our new weekly blog post featuring reader submitted stories about their own funny, embarrassing, awkward, or just down right puzzling experiences with anything and everything to do with sex. So let’s get started.

 

Submitted by: Sallyride

About ten years ago I was working in a popular bar/hostel/coffee shop on Vancouver's downtown East
Side. Let's just say the name rhymes with Bambie. Ok, Ok it was the Cambie. Anyway, I worked in the coffee shop, drank in the bar, and occasionally crashed in the hostel. It was a one stop shop. Anyway, in order to throw out the garbage every day we had to exit the coffee shop, turn left and then make another left into an alley a few yards down. The alley itself was very shallow with only one entrance/exit and when you were standing on the street you could see everything in it. The dumpsters were located against the left side of the alley parallel to the wall and there was about 4 feet between them (this is important later). So one day one of my lovely co-workers went to take out the trash. She returned a few seconds later with the bag still in hand and a somewhat puzzled look on her face. I asked her what was up and she said that there was a guy standing in the alley behind the dumpster and she didn't know what he was doing but it creeped her out and she didn't want to go near him. So being the curious person that I am I offered to take out the garbage so I could see what was going on.

Sure enough I get to the entrance of the alley and there he is. This guy standing behind the first dumpster, facing the alley entrance, visible from the chest up, and with both of his arms resting on the lid of the dumpster. Now in Vancouver someone in, on, or near a dumpster is not an unusual sight. What was strange was that he had this look on his face. It was sort of a half smirk combined with a distant gaze. To top it off the sun had come out and was shining on him, giving him this kind of glowing halo. The whole scene was kind of serene and peaceful. But then it got real creepy real fast. As soon as he saw me watching him he made some solid eye contact and his smirk grew into a mighty shit eating grin. And that was the moment I started to connect the dots. Keep in mind I still had to throw out the garbage and there was no way I going to try to open the dumpster he had is arms on. So taking a wide berth I walked into the alley and down the side of the dumpsters. Sure enough as soon as I had a view of the space between the dumpsters I saw that he wasn’t alone, but was in fact right in the middle of getting a blow job. Because of course he was. Because apparently when you need a blow job bad enough, any place will do. At any rate I shot him a big grin, threw the garbage bag next to the dumpster and asked him if could throw it out when he was done (he totally did), then I thanked them for the show and went back to work.

 

 

Submitted by: Rosie Cheeks

A few years back I dated this guy who was always bugging me to give him road head. I usually declined, not because I don’t like giving head but doing it in the car isn’t really my thing. Anyway we were stuck in rush hour traffic on the hwy, and he asked me to give him a hand job. So having nothing better to do I agreed. It went on for an hour, and even though he made faces like he was about to cum, nothing happened. I was ready to give up, but then he asked for a blow job saying that it wouldn’t be fair to leave him with blue balls. So because I’m an awesome GF I agreed. Well shit, after another 30 minutes he still hadn’t cum. I told him that he masturbated too much, was never going to cum, and that I was done. I turned my head and spit the taste of dick out the window. When I looked back at him he was masturbating furiously. And I do mean furiously. I have never seen anyone yank their dick that hard and fast in my life. About a minute into that display he started looking around the truck frantically, then he gave me a panicked look and said, “can I cum in your mouth?”, all the while continuing to yank his dick. “Fuck! No you cannot!” was my reply. He turned his head back and looked down at his penis and in that moment he came, hard, and shot cum straight into his own eye. I’ll never forget the way his head yanked back as the shot made contact with his face and his moment of stunned disbelief that followed. As if that wasn’t bad enough we were on our way to have dinner at his parent’s house and rolled up just as he had shot the load. So I had to listen to him whine about it as he used his shirt to clean himself up so we could go in and enjoy a nice family meal. (Editor’s note: his style of masturbating sounds like what Dan Savage calls “the death grip”. Guys do not do this.)

 

Submitted by: Anonymous

I was with this guy I liked for a long time and anyways we were drinking at a friend’s place and me and him left. We were parked on a road not far from my friend’s house and well guess what we ended up doin’-the deed! I didn’t tell my friend the next morning on the phone and I also said I would be up for a coffee. She had two big dogs at the time. Anyways when I got there to her house she opened the door and at the same time I was wondering what that was on her doorstep. Well she and I both realized at the same time what it was- his gitch! They must have fallen out of the car the night before and her dog dragged them back to her house.

 

 

A big thanks to all who submitted, and an even bigger thank to Jesse Pinkham over at Wonkette who was the inspiration for this post. For those of you who have yet to submit a story, don’t be shy, the more the merrier. Send your stories to rio@theartofloving.ca Be sure to choose an alias that you would like to include with your story otherwise it will be published anonymously. Tune in next Saturday for more stories on Between the Sheets.