BETWEEN THE SHEETS

 

 

Happy Spring everyone and welcome back to Between the Sheets! As always we have a great selection of reader submittd stories just waiting to help you start your day off with a laugh.

Submitted by: Anonymous

I got married when I was 18, and not surprisingly things went south after a few years. Finally I decided to leave and moved back in with my parents, who let’s just say had a very high regard for the sanctity of marriage. Anyway after I’d been home for about a week, and was not even close to divorced, I started dating this guy. One night I went out to his place and we smoked some pot, got pretty drunk, and had some crazy hot sex. So later, after midnight, I went home and tried to sneak in because I didn’t want to have to answer a million questions about my night and I didn't want them to know I'd been out with another guy. Unfortunately though my step-dad was still up watching TV. I tried to just breeze past him and go to bed but he got up and followed me to the kitchen and started asking how my night was. So I tried to act as sober as I could. I politely answered his questions and told him that my friend and I just had a quiet night in watching a movie. He seemed happy with that explanation and went back to watching TV. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and that’s when I realized that he in no way believed my story about my night. I looked in the mirror and saw that not only was my shirt on backwards and inside out, but my eyes were totally bloodshot and to top it off I had mascara smeared down my face all the way to my chin.

Submitted by: Anonymous

One night my roommate and I had some people over, and among the guests were my best friend and a friend of mine that my bff had met for the first time that night. So the group of us eat some acid and spend a couple hours having fun. My bff and this guy hit it off and spend the night flirting. Eventually my roommate and I start coming down and decide to go to bed. We only had a one bedroom apartment so we had two single beds in the one bedroom. Meanwhile my bff and the guy decide that they’re going to stay the night on our ancient fold out couch. So my roommate and I get into bed and turn off the lights and it’s pitch back. About ten minutes later we hear the springs on the couch start to squeak. Which fine whatever, sex happens. So I’m lying there in the pitch dark listening for probably like 20 minutes to the sounds of the couch squeaking and silently cursing my roommate for having fallen asleep and not having to endure the noise. Then all of a sudden out of the pitch darkness comes my roommate’s frustrated voice “Jesus! I wish he’d cum already”. I burst out laughing and it must have been loud because the squeaking stopped briefly. After a moment it started up again and went on and on late into the night.

Submitted by: Ninjakat

My first apartment was in a really old building that had paper thin walls and single pane windows. I could hear everything both outside and inside the building. The way the building laid out was a bunch of identical suites stacked on top of each other, so the guy above me had his bedroom directly above mine. I used to listen to him just randomly drag furniture across his floor and yell at nobody at all hours. It was frustrating to say the least, and I was really happy when he moved out and this young couple moved in.

Within a week I very much regretted the first guy’s departure. One night I woke up to a series of really loud bangs interspersed with really loud screams. It took me a moment to realize that it was the people above me having sex. I don’t even know how to describe it, the girl wasn’t even moaning she was full on screaming at the top of her lungs in a really high pitch. AHHHHHH, AHHHHHHH, YES! YES! The bed sounded like it was about to go through the wall. I don’t know if she was faking or what, but the whole production lasted for an hour and was about as sexy as listening to people scream on a roller coaster. As if the first time wasn’t bad enough the whole thing was repeated every fucking night. Every. Night. I have no idea how her vagina could handle such a regular pounding but she certainly seemed to enjoy it. I also don’t know how her boyfriend had any hearing left, not even ear plugs could combat that woman’s high pitched screams. Finally one night I couldn’t take it anymore I opened my window and screamed at the top of my lungs, “Just fucking cum already!! I have to work in the morning!!” They didn’t hear me and their nightly routine kept up for a while longer.

Then just as I was contemplating moving out, I pulled into the parking lot one day and saw the boyfriend from upstairs, who was now the ex-boyfriend, loading boxes into his car and what do you think was strapped to the roof? Their mattress. I almost did a black flip. I slept soundly for a week. Then she got a new bed, a new boyfriend, and I got a new apartment.


Well that raps up another installment of Between the Sheets. Thanks for stopping by. As always if you have any funny stories that you would like to share don't be shy. You can send them to rio@theartofloving.ca