BETWEEN THE SHEETS

 Hello and welcome back to Between the Sheets, our weekly blog post where I share with you reader submitted stories of truly hilarious and sometimes embarrassing sexual encounters. If you have your own story that you’d like to share, send it on over to rio@theartofloving.ca

 

Submitted by: Dan the Hammer Man

Years ago, when I was a much younger man, I had a job up in the Queen Charlotte Islands. It was fairly isolated and there really wasn’t much to do up there except hunting and drinking. I spent a lot of time at the bar. One night after I had had a lot to drink I met this beautiful woman named Maggie. We went back to her place and had great loud sex all night.
The next morning she got up and said she would make breakfast and to join her when I was ready. When I walked into the kitchen I came face to face with 6 of the biggest, meanest, looking rednecks I had ever seen, seated around the kitchen table. No joke, it wouldn’t have surprised me in the least if they were all named Jim Bob or something. Maggie saw me and said, “ Hey, these are my brothers. Grab some coffee and take a seat.” Then she said to her brothers, “guys this is Dan. I met him last night. Slide over and let him sit down.
Nobody moved. Not a single one of them moved. Instead they all gave me the exact same look. The look that said “we fucking know what you did with our sister last night, and as soon as she’s gone we’re going to fucking kill you.”


Instincts are a helluva thing. In that moment mine kicked in and I grabbed my shoes and made a hasty departure, and probably spared myself a lot of pain.

 

Submitted by: Anonymous


This happened to a friend of mine. I got a frantic call from a close friend. She was crying and freaking out, something about how she had got her period and something weird and “tissue” like had come out in the blood. Girl scouts honour she was convinced that her uterus was falling out. Obviously that seems crazy but when you combine a hypochondriac with limited sexual education all kinds of things are possible.


When I got to her house she was practically hyperventilating, and was totally convinced that she had some kind of cancer that makes your uterus fall out of your vagina? Obviously this is not a thing, but this was in the days before Google so she didn’t have much to go on. In an effort to calm her down I asked if I could see the offending tissue(?) She showed it to me and right away I could tell that something wasn’t right about it and that it definitely wasn’t “Tissue” from her uterus. I asked her when the last time she had sex was and she said the day before. I then asked her if she used a condom, to which she replied that they had. I told her that I thought it was a piece of that condom. She didn’t believe me, so I used tweezers to pick it up and then ran it under the tap to clean it off. Sure enough it was a piece of red condom that had broken off and fortunately NOT uterine tissue.

That's all for this week's Between the Sheets. See you next week and if you have any stories of your own send em' on over to rio@theartofloving.ca