BETWEEN THE SHEETS

Welcome back to another edition of Between The Sheets, our weekly post where we feature reader submitted stories about their own funny, embarrasing, or just plain awkward sexual adventures.

Submitted By: Anonymous


I went to this camping gathering of social and political activists. My roommate was there too. She came with her boyfriend. I was there alone. But one of my roommate’s friends (who I didn’t know) had no tent to sleep in so he ends up sleeping in my tent (of course). So we all went to bed close to the same time, about 1 am, after having some pot and some beers. So I’m thinking, ‘I hope this guy keeps his hands to himself, because I am not into him.” So I decided to play it cool and be as non-sexual as possible.


So we go to bed and he’s on one side of the tent in his sleeping bag and I’m on the other side also in my sleeping bag. All of a sudden we hear my roommate and her bf start to have sex. But not just sex, but like really wet and sloppy sex. Like so wet that it was almost squeaky. So me and this guy have only known each other for like 5 minutes and we’re lying in the dark awkwardly listening to the slop fest happening next door. Then almost as if we read each other’s mind, we both start making sleep sounds, you know like light snoring, and try to pretend that we are asleep to avoid the awkwardness of the situation.

 

Submitted By: Vigilante Justice Squad


I’m a single woman and I used to live on the bottom floor of an apartment building. My suite was semi-underground, and my front windows were at ground level, and there was a street light outside my window that would shine in at night if the curtains were open.


About a week after moving, it was night, my curtains were closed but there was a weird dark shadow in the center of the window. So I opened them to investigate, and lo and behold there was a man with his pants around his ankles, engaged in some serious self-love. I couldn’t see his face because of the light from the street light, but I got a clear look at his junk which was right at my eye level. I was really upset and called the cops. He ran off and the cops were sympathetic but ultimately useless.


He kept coming back. Every. Week. Sometimes I would forget to close my curtains and I would come out of my kitchen and come face to face with Mr. Happy. It didn’t seem to matter the weather or anything, he would just show up every few nights. The worst part was the he seemed to like it when I was in sight. And if I didn’t close the curtains or call the cops he would finish all over my window. Nobody could do anything about it, I complained to the land lord (who didn’t care), and the cops who couldn’t help me because the guy always ran off before they arrived, and I never saw his face so they had no way of identifying him. I tried to ignore him but it just got to the point where I didn’t want to go home and I spent a lot of time crying about it.


Things went on like that for a few months, until my sister and her boyfriend (who was a huge guy) came to visit and stay for a few days. I told them, through many tears, about the guy and they said they would help me get rid of him. So we left the curtains closed for the next few days. When he finally showed up, my sister’s BF and I went outside, while my sister opened the curtains and (god bless her) stood there as a distraction. Meanwhile I went around the front and BF went around the side of the building. Then we snuck up and the BF shouted “HEY!” really loud and right behind the guy. The guy was so startled that he got his directions confused and turned to run away, but his pants were around his ankles so instead of running he just ended up stumble falling face first into the side of the building. He smacked his face so hard, I’m pretty sure his nose broke. Then BF put him in a head lock, and dragged him over to the front entrance of the building so we could take his picture in the light. All the while he was yelling about how we were invading his privacy!


I told him that if he ever came back I would show his picture to the cops and he would get arrested. He insisted that he only did it because I had seemed to like it, and I told him he was fucked.
The next day we made “wanted” flyers with his face on them and a detailed description of what he had done. We put them up all over the neighbourhood. He never came back.

 

Well that wraps up this week's post. If you have any stories that you would like to see appear on Between The Sheets, please send them to rio@theartofloving.ca