Dead Horse Has Been Sufficiently Flogged

Is it just me, or does the new bro-tastic bro comedy, Hall Pass, look about a decade more sexist than it should be? I mean, I know Hollywood is no stick against which to measure the progress of the subversion of social iniquity, but… really? I mean, aren’t we at a point now where we’re at least pretending we no longer buy into the whole boys will be boys because women don’t like sex thing?

Maybe I’ve just been getting a little overexcited about the progressiveness of our society lately, what with all the Dan Savage and Sex at Dawn I’ve been reading. Maybe my perception has been skewed a little too far to the left, and I forget that the majority of people are still buying into the bullshit romantic and sexual narratives being fed to us by popular culture.

And, I mean, there’s also the fact that I haven’t actually seen the movie. For all I know it could be totally subversive and progressive, and only looks so dated and moronic because its fallen victim to the typical dumbed-down, lowest-common-denominator marketing that sullies the reputations of so many good films.

I just don’t know though, guys.

I guess it’s just disappointing to see something get so much press that (appears) so blatantly to appeal to the closed-minded, stereotype-enforcing gender norms that I really thought that we, as a society, were getting over. I mean, I’m on the front lines here, guys! Marriage is not the barren, castrating wasteland popular culture would have us believe! Fact: I sell more butt plugs on average to enthusiastic lady butt-fuckers than dudes. Our seminars are chock-a-block full every week of ladies excited about getting more out of getting it on. And if I had a nickel for every time a guy came in saying specifically that his wife wants a vibrator/dildo/cock ring/fancy lube/whatever other crazy thing because his wife wants to spice up the sex that his wife very much enjoys and does not at all have to be coerced into having… well, I would have quite a lot of nickels, which maybe I would put into rolls and take to the bank to get larger change because having so many nickels would be kind of inconvenient. Anyway. It’s a stupid concept for a movie, is what I’m saying.

And, while I’m ranting, what about open relationships? Hall Pass seems to write off the very idea as ridiculous and irrelevant, only valuable as a means of curing the wandering eye of your typical preoccupied horndog husband, and not something any self-respecting woman would ever want for herself because she has needs too. I know a few people in loving, functioning, open relationships, and not one of them was initiated as a means of stopping the insatiable, slobbering male half from humping the leg of a cold and uninterested female partner. In fact, the majority of open relationships with which I am acquainted were initiated by the female partner as a means of meeting needs and desires she had, which, by definition, needed to be fulfilled outside of the relationship. Take THAT, Farelly brothers.

And I guess, at the bottom of all this, there’s the fact that I’m just taking it personally. I’m definitely the Owen Wilson in my relationship (TAKE THAT AS YOU WILL), and I suppose I’d just like to see a little more and fairer representation for the female horndogs out there. All my single ladies and whatnot. Rock out with your clit out. MAAAAAN-eater. I’ll stop now.

But seriously, it looks like a stupid movie.