I'm the Andrea Dworkin of outtakes.

A public service announcement for my fellow porn fans and seekers of lolz: porn bloopers are the least funny thing on the internet. I was telling my partner about my horrifying introduction to them the other night while we were both lamenting the pitfalls of much of the porn industry:

I was 19, hungover, and the only taco at a sausage fest of sexually frustrated nerds… so of course we were looking for porn. Between pretending not to be turned on by Face Invaders 2 and definitely not being turned on by poorly animated hentai, we were deeply disturbed by a site hosting exclusively bloopers.

I expected queefs and accidental backdoors and “ow, you’re hurting my back.” But the ones we found were depressing.

In one, a dude farted while receiving a rim job. Deliberately. Which, okay, farts are always funny but a shithead fratboy farting in a woman’s mouth (who then cried and left the room) is not.

One was rape.

So a warning: if you’re not ready for your relationship with professional porn to be irreparably broken, stick to bad hentai.