Just South of London, Dahhling

I. Hate. Clubbing.

I hate it. I would infintely prefer to sit at home with my cats and a glass of wine watching a romantic comedy I've already seen twelve times than go to the hassle of hauling myself into a dress and calling a cab.

I am getting old young.

A friend of mine recently decided to celebrate his triumphant departure from teenagehood with a night out on the town. When he described the club to me, I very seriously considered breaking my own legs so as to avoid having to go. "It's got three floors!" he said. "And co-ed washrooms with DJs in them! Cover is fifteen dollars!"

This sounds exactly like my own personal version of Hell.

But, good friend that I am, I did haul myself off the couch and into a dress (a sequined dress no less. I even put on eyeliner), got myself reasonably full of whiskey, and somehow made it downtown.

Now, this may have had something (read: everything) to do with the afformentioned whiskey, but it seemed to me, by the time we'd got ourselves in the door, to be a very good idea indeed to put on a British accent for the entire remainder of the night, and to show it off to as many strangers as reasonably possible.

I'm sure you'll understand that I don't remember too many specific details of what happened thereafter. Some key highlights, however, include: vehemently defending Camilla and Prince Charles to a pair of gay men in the lineup (they're in LOVE and they HAVE BEEN since the SEVENTIES), lecturing a young gentleman who bore a striking resemblance to Galen Weston of the President's Choice commercials on absolutely everything I've ever learned about Vikings from watching Knowlege Network, and bonding with my cab driver over the fact that his cousins hail from the same part of England that I do (who knew!)

Blimey.

I suppose what I'm saying is that if we're talking sexy, I can think of FAR sexier places than a three-floor megalith of a nightclub where the music is so loud I can bahhhly heaahh myself tahhlk, dahhling.

However, where better to make a complete ass of yourself than a place where no one can see or hear you?