A little polietness from the perverts please?

In my last blog entry I mentioned my frustration with social and dating sites, even the kinky ones, this week, said frustration was highlighted for me.
In Neon.

I maintain a profile on Fetlife.com, this is not a specifically dating site, it is a social networking site geared towards the fetish community and it is great. I love the site itself, there are hundreds of intelligent discussion groups, easy interactivity and very open and inclusive profile fields.

One of my favorite features of the site is the ability to add more then one relationship to your relationship status. This allows poly people like me list all of their lovers, including the nature of my relationship to each, unlike Facebook, which allows an “open relationship” designation but only allows it to be with one person. I have witnessed first hand the drama this can cause when one partner is not listed because they may be more “secordary”, a term I personally despise, but that is a topic for another post.

I digress.

My problem comes not with the site, but with how strangers choose to contact me on the site.

A recent example:

“hi i would love to be able to suck your cock before you fuck me with it while i look at you in ur heels and hopefully i will get to cum all over you feet n heels with your cock up my ass.”

Messages like this I consider to be a form of non-consenual sceneing. The author is luring me into their fantasy and in a way forcing me to read it and be a part of it. It is like getting flashed in the park, un invited, hard to look away from and always leaves me feeling a little….icky.

Now to be fair most messages to me are not quiet this explicit, most are little more along the lines of a simple one line that I am suppose to take as a compliment such as,

“u are a turn on for me”

Well that’s peachy, and if I was still in the porn industry and my sole intention was to turn you on then I might consider that a compliment, but really that is not what I am here for.

Discussion with a male friend who also frequents the site revealed that he was subject to much of the same thing. While the emails he received were not quiet as explicit, he described the majority of them as being “creepy” and leaving him feeling like “a piece of meat”.

In over 10 years of using social network site such as livejournal, tribe and facebook I have never once received such explicit or rude introductory emails.

What is it about a sexuality oriented networking site that causes people to loose all manner of social etiquette?

Victoria