Now for Something Ugly

I don't know how truly common abusive relationships are as I don't think the more temperate kinds of abuse like 'mere' mental abuse are reported.

Below is a book written by Lundy Bancroft who's worked with thousands of men with oppressive belief systems and more pertinently, consults with their partners on the abusers' actual progress. A lot of these guys easily charm a therapist into thinking they're growing and evolving.

There's a story where he describes a couple who are going to couples councelling to 'work their issues out'. (Meaning: His) The woman was encouraged by both the therapist and her partner to open up more and share her side, as she was consistently reserved. She finally does after a few sessions and her partner bashes her head on the dashboard all the way home for it.

I just got out of a similar 'relationship' and was not, as goes popular stigma - attracted to abuse or suffering from low self esteem. I was attracted to the personality I was presented with before the selfish bedrock of his being showed up and got more and more comfortable, shall we say.

So many customers have shared stories of ugly past relationships, it's very safe to say that there's an epidemic of entitlement out there. Interestingly, according to Bancroft less than 5% of abusive guys with slave owner mentalities are mentally ill. That's just another myth that basically excuses the inherent choice most of these guys are making by acting that way. 

If you or a friend needs some clarity in the cess of abuse, this book is perhaps the best out there.

Lundy Bancroft: 'Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men'