Randy is just your regular, average, wide dildo. he's a normal guy, works a 9-5 job in an office building. he makes phone calls all day and has never been the king of anyone's world, let alone his own piddly fiefdom of 4' x 4' cubicle walls and the bachelor apartment with a shared bathroom down the hall. he's had sex with 1 girl...kind of. she was an "elf" and he was an "ogre" and the tragic event did not mechanically work for either party. it's easier to just not try anymore.
Randy wears ties every day, all various shades of blue but every now and again he busts out his pale green tie in a moment of reckless abandon. no one notices.

one day after working overtime because some clients in Delaware were indecisive, Randy is forced to shop at the 24 hour corner mart for his kraft dinner. standing there, trying to decide between spirals or original, he sees them. a group of teenagers coveting the frozen wall of ice creams with saucer eyes, all dressed in strange neon attire. the sky in Randy's little world opened. Randy was transfixed by these strange beings of pure energy and boundless confidence. they must be wizards, surely. dropping his boxes to the floor he followed them out of the store. he would have to apologize to the store clerk and secure his dinner at a later time.

the teenagers walked a lazy roundabout route through twisting streets and back alleys before arriving at a door under an old stone bridge. where could it lead? Randy found himself desperately wondering. could this be Narnia? all he could do was wait in suspense as the alpha female of the group performed what must surely be a spell of admission. he carefully noted the sequence and filed it under 'urgent' in his mind. the group had gone in, his moment was nigh. Randy drew himself up to his full 6.4" height and proudly marched to the door, terrified he might wet himself at any moment. he executed the complex series of taps and grunts and a man appeared, allowing Randy access to the dark interior. success!

all of Randy's senses were immediately overloaded. pungent scents filled him, thumping bass echoed in the center of his brain, flashing lights of every imaginable colour lacerated the darkness, the sheer number of neon wizards! One of them handed Randy a chalice and bade him drink deep. his vision blurred and he felt...happy? yes. no. pleasure. without realizing it he slowly began to dance, an undulating primal thing originating in his very core.

he now noticed the beautiful young thing who had offered the cup. the most beautiful man Randy had ever seen stood before him and smiled. in that smile Randy felt love and connection and freedom and most of all, desire. before he was able to locate his feet Randy found himself in a face-locked embrace. his awareness melted away under those sweet lips. those lips led him through the crowd, further into the darkened room, down onto a luscious corduroy couch, and out of his clothes. the distant awareness of a memory of an enraged elf flickered across Randy's mind and was quickly lost as those lips closed along the length of him. his eyes shut involuntarily. there was a shift of weight and when his sight returned he found the beautiful young creature sitting on his lap, the angel's anus strangely...accommodating of his girth. he wished some other neon wizard would kill him right now in this blissful moment. he never wanted to know anything else. he could just die.