See Nothing, Hear Nothing, Say Nothing

.....And you will know nothing.

So, this past week I went and got my hair done up, knotty style.  I was really excited, this is the third time I have gotten dreads.  The first set lasted about 3 years and then an unfortunate event led to me cutting them out. The second set… well they just weren’t right.  Third times a charm!  I’m sticking to my guns on these babies, they are perfect and lovely and oh so tight.  The girl who did them was incredible and we really got along, which was great because we spent 8 hours together. 

During this time, we got to talking.  She asked me what I did for a living, I said “I’m a sex educator at The Art of Loving” which, of course, prompted a whole new conversation about sexy stuff.  I was talking all about how I love my job and love helping people and how fulfilling it is. One of my main discussion points was how this job has really normalized sex and talking about sex to all kinds of people is completely fine for me.  It has taken the weirdness and taboo away… lets call it my sex filter, yup it’s pretty much all gone.  I made this very clear as I talked about how saying “Buttplug” would have been rather uncomfortable for me a few years ago in a public environment, but now I can just talk about “Buttplugs” anywhere and it doesn’t matter, in fact, my comfort around the subject often relaxes people and helps them to open up. Blah, blah, blah.

Eventually the subject changes and we decide to take a smoke break and head outside with the other girl who was working on another head of dreads.  We get out there and the first thing she says is “You guys really gotta cut the sex talk, my client is this 15 year kid and his mom is sitting right there.  They’re mortified”  This is an exemplary moment of irony, dontcha think?  I think if I had more balls, I would have perhaps argued my point.  I’m not talking about explicit things here, I was talking about normalizing sex and how it should be ok to talk about and used a few key words, such as “Dildo” and “Buttplug”…. And I’m being censored about even just that, because there’s a 15 year old kid in the room.  It’s cool, its your workplace, your client.  I will respect your wishes.

I have a 9 year old daughter and I have talked to her about sexuality.  I have shown her condoms and lube and let her ask whatever questions she feels the need to ask. What I have not shown her and never will, is shame or embarrassment.  When she’s 15, she will have my knowledge of sexuality because chances are, she will be having sex around that age.  Not because I want her to, but because I am realistic. Our kids should know all about sex. Don’t censor them, don’t make sex bad or dirty or uncomfortable for them.  This will only lead to UNeducated teenagers, who make bad decisions, because they don’t have the tools or knowledge to make a good decision. 

Teach them about self pleasure.  Show the girls dildos, vibrators and lube and let them know that they don’t need a male to please them (although it is nice sometimes).  Show the boys masturbation sleeves and dildos and lube, give them the same information. They can absolutely do it themselves. Perhaps this would lessen teen pregnancies and STD’s and broken hearts… and much less deviant sexual behavior. 
I am fully aware that this is a sticky issue and lots of parents have old school values and ideas of how this issue should be tackled.  And many are scared.

I for one, am going to be part of the solution. My experience at the salon was more interesting than anything, I still had a great time and would recommend them to anyone.  But that one experience really made me think… Who cares if they hear me, that's the point!                    
 

 

Niseema