Talking About It

How do you talk about sex with your partner(s)? Is it before? After? In the moment? Not at all? I ask because, for all the talking we seem to do about sex, there’s very little discussion of the capital-T Talking About It. Talking About It seems to have some high-school-sex-ed-class-use-a-condom-don’t-get-herpes ring to it. That, or some kind of new-agey-healing-circle-married-couples’-retreat connotation.

A friend of mine was telling me that her ex took their recent break up as an opportunity to offer constructive criticism. They’d gone out for a friendly dinner and without warning he said, “I’ve got a bone to pick with you,” and launched into a description of all of her supposed sexual shortcomings.

Good for him, communication is key, I admire his honesty… is what I’d be saying if they were still dating. I feel like a good rule of thumb where Talking About It is concerned, however, is that a person doesn’t need know how you like your dick sucked if they never intend to suck it again. Talking About It becomes Bitching About It when it’s coming from a place of hurt rather than honesty.

And trust me, I’ve done my fair share of Bitching, but I’m working on it. I’m trying to make a habit of collecting all my Bitch and letting it distill far away from the bedroom before bringing it back to my partner. I’m sure Cosmo would tell you to only encourage what they do right rather than telling them what’s wrong, but Cosmo also thinks every guy likes ice cubes on their balls. So.