Yo Ho Me Hearties

Here's a fun date night idea for all you perverts out there: porn in public!

Last week the student-run theatre on campus was playing Pirates - famous in some circles for being the most expensive adult film ever made (reported budget of US $1 MIL!) - so the boy and I decided to check it out. What would it be like, we wondered, watching some good old fashioned porn in a room full of strangers? Sexy? Awkward? A bit of both and also kind of ultimately hilarious in ways both intentional and un?

It was the third one.

Once we got over the initial boners (both regular and lady-sized) we really started to appreciate the ridiculousness of the whole thing. After two hours of splooging and spanking and diddling and deep-throating, we almost became desensitized to the sexuality of it, and it became much more about the novelty of the situation. The fact that we were partaking of an activity normally so clandestine and/or intimate in a room full of total randos.

And you know what? A strange, wonderful, perverted sort of sense of community arose out of the whole thing. Everyone in the theatre clapped every time someone came, there were hoots and hollers, the guy in front of us turned and nodded enthusiastically every time I made a joke (actually that part was a bit weird) and most of us took to yelling yarr at random intervals, in imitation of the enthusiastic seafairing voyeurs in one particular girl-on-girl scene. It was strangely poetic.

Plus the film really was genuinely funny, in so many ways. Evan Stone has superb comedic timing (who knew!) and watching him transform from the bumbling and incompetent "pirate-hunter" Capt. Edward Reynolds in the narrative part of the film to the buff and bronzed fucking machine that he was in his sex scenes was nothing short of surreal.

Other actors were less, shall we say, purposefully funny, but no less enjoyable. Jesse Jane, for example, as Capt Reynolds' first mate Jules; if I were to write a poem for her (which I might. Maybe I'll send it to her. You don't know.) it would go something like this:

O, Jesse
Your lips, so large
Your face, so devoid of even the vaguest of expressions
I like your vest.

Anyway, all in all a highly enjoyable experience. Even if you can't manage to arrange to watch it in a room full of other people, I'd recommend giving the movie a view. It's definitely fun to watch, and who knows, maybe you'll end up having totally mind-blowing sex afterward.

Oh, that's the other thing. We ended up having totally mind-blowing sex afterward. Yarr!