TAOL’s MINI-GUIDE TO ANAL EROTICISM
There are numerous myths that prevent people from exploring anal sex – that it will hurt, that only gay men practice it, that it’s dirty, or that it is a perverted act. All of these things are untrue – anal sex can be a pleasurable experience between partners of any gender or sexual orientation, and, like any sexual act, is one of love that with a little know how can be clean, healthy and rewarding. In order to help debunk myths and fears around anal eroticism we have compiled a few tips, pointers and resources for those looking to explore the exciting world of anal play!
Just as with any sexual act, it’s good to know the names and places for the genitals, anus and surrounding area, inside and out. Ladies are different than gentlemen, so look at charts that describe both your bits and your partners. Once you have an idea of the anatomy, check yourself out! Take a mirror and look at your genitals and anus. This can be a fantastic way to get to know yourself. Then check out your partner because this can be a fantastic way to get to know them.
With a few precautionary measures, anal sex can be a clean, healthy and happy experience. Condoms are always a must for those who are not fluid bonded. If your exploring analingus, a dam is highly recommended and a glove is recommended for digital play for those not fluid bonded as well. Some who are fluid bonded or monogamous continue to use barriers for anal sex because it prevents the spread of bacteria from the anus to the vagina or mouth and vice versa. Never put a condom in the vagina or mouth that has been in the anus. You’ll spread bacteria.
Grooming and hygeine are as important for anal play as other sex play. Some people choose to explore enemas, please be sure to do your research if you go this route. You may also choose to shave or trim around the anus, and it’s always a great idea to keep the fingernails clean and clipped. Always wash up after playing in the bum, before you play with other areas. Using a glove can allow you the freedom to continue after anal play without having to wash up (that is if you take the glove off, of course!).
Anal sex can be a sensitive subject to discuss, especially because some consider it to be taboo or have fears and concerns around it. Discuss them with your partner! Communication is a key ingredient for passionate and satisfying sex, and anal sex is no exception. Talk about your fears and desires around anal sex, and get the information you need to have an open dialogue around the subject. If you decide that you desire anal play, talk to your partner about how you want it before, during and after. If you always talk honestly about your sexual urges and desires, you’re closer to finding satisfaction than if you never discuss them, right?
POSITIONS & TIPS
Go slow, communicate and remember that lube is you’re best friend when it comes to anal play. You can’t use enough lube, and because the anus doesn’t produce cum if you don’t use lube you can cause painful friction. It’s always good to go slow with a finger or a small anal toy before jumping to a dildo or a penis. Ask your partner things like “Does this hurt”, “Are you ok?”, “Do you need me to go slower?” And respond accordingly.
Like football, there are many positions that the giver and the receiver can take. During anal play its best to experiment with many so you can find the position that works best for you. Some like the missionary position, with the giver on top and the receiver laying on their back. Others like doggy style, with the giver on their knees behind the receiver who is kneeling on hands and knees in front. It can also be fun to have the receiver astride, going on top of the giver, who lays on their back, or you can spoon, with the receiver in front of the giver and both of you laying on your sides. A lot of positions, so explore away!
NOTE FOR HIM
Your prostate can be stimulated through anal sex, and in terms of pleasure, is the Male G-Spot, meaning that prostate stimulation can lead to extremely pleasurable orgasms - just as stimulating as the female G-Spot orgasm is. The prostate lays just below the bladder and just in front of the rectum. You can find your prostate by placing your index finger all the way into your anus and pressing towards the front of the body along the rectal wall, about two inches inside the anus. Studies show that regular prostate stimulation help reduce your chances of prostate cancer. It can also lead to awesome orgasms. Guys, anal sex is great for you! Whether your straight, bi or gay, anal sex can be pleasurable, intimate and healthy.
NOTE FOR HER
Lots of straight guys like anal sex. Know that anal sex is not something reserved for gay guys to do to other guys or guys to do to girls. Girls can do it to guys, with fingers, or with a harness and a dildo and/or an anal toy. Anal sex is an intimate sexual act, one that can be arousing and incredibly pleasurable for you, and you can always articulate your feelings, thoughts, fears and desires around anal play. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
TOOLS OF THE TRADE
Be stocked on condoms, dental dams and gloves if your not fluid bonded with your lover. You may want to use barriers even if you are fluid bonded, to reduce the spread of bacteria, even if you aren't worried about STI's. Anal toys are a great way to explore anal sex, and they come in many shapes and sizes, from small and finger-like to large dildos. All anal toys need to have a flared base so that they’re not lost in the rectum during anal play. A harness can hold your anal toy in place and keep the givers hands free to roam the terrain of their partner’s body. Use Lube Lube Lube and more lube. Lube…did I mention lube?
We have latex and non latex condoms, gloves and dams for you to choose from. Our Small Ripple is a great starter as well as our Little Flirt. Both are small and great for introducing anal play, and then you can move up to a Medium or Large Flirt or Ripple. For Harness play, we have a Bend Over Beginner Set, which is a starter harness with two dildos, one small and one medium. If you’re looking for some buzz, try our Protouch, which stimulates the prostate with its curved tip, and buzzes with a mini-bullet inserted into its base. There is also the Crystal Hook, which is a him and her toy acrylic toy with one smaller curved end for anal play and the other larger end for vaginal or anal penetration.
If you’re looking for a book, try The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino or The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent. They are super comprehensive and use easy to understand language.
For DVD night try Bend Over Boyfriend: A Couple’s Guide to Male Anal Pleasure. Sex educators Carol Queen and Robert Morgan will guide you step by step through role-playing and fantasy, give suggestions on how to broach the subject of anal sex with a partner, and teach the physical “ins and outs” of anal play. Libido said that Bend Over Boyfriend “dares to go where the sun don’t shine.”
Remember if you’re ever confused come down to TAOL and ask away! We’re here to answer your questions and find the perfect toy, book DVD and more to add to your personal pleasure store!