How To... put a condom on using your mouth!

If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say that stopping in the heat of the moment to put a condom on was a turn off, I would have… um, a lot of nickels. It always kind of bugs me because the implication in the statement is that looking after your partner’s (and your own!) sexual health isn’t “sexy”; that being a responsible lover is undesirable. Safe sex shouldn’t be a chore – knowing that your partner isn’t just an unstoppable sex machine, but also an INTELLIGENT unstoppable sex machine should  be titillating. Which is why I’m a big fan of any trick that incorporates safety techniques in extra-fun ways.

 

This is one I learned to master early on – the Putting-The-Condom-On-With-Your-Mouth trick. It goes like this:

Remove the condom from it’s wrapper. Resist the urge to open the wrapper with  your teeth, as this can risk tearing the condom along with the wrapper. Hold the condom by the reservoir tip between your thumb and forefinger. Make sure it is facing the right way to be unrolled (especially if you are slightly inebriated while doing this – take my word on the fact that you’ll look kind of silly trying to put the condom on upside-down).

  1. Put a dollop of lube inside the condom.

  2. Put the condom in your mouth, with the rim of the condom resting on your lips, which should be pursed (like you’re about to give someone a kiss) around the rest of the unrolled condom. Do not bite the condom! Hold it in place with a little suction.

  3. Moving quickly – the lube will run out of the condom if you do this slowly – wrap one hand around his shaft and put your mouth on the head of his penis, as though you were kissing it. Release your suction on the condom a little, and use your tongue to smooth out any air bubbles between the tip of the condom and his head.

  4. Now, wrap your lips over your teeth and in one smooth motion push with your lips on the rim of the condom to roll it down his shaft. If you can’t get his entire cock in your mouth, push the condom as far down his shaft with your lips as you can, then make a ring around the rim of the condom with your thumb and forefinger and pull it all the way down that way.

Ta dah! Your man is now encondomed and the two of you are free to proceed with getting it on safely. Best of all, there’s no way he can complain about the process of putting on the condom being unsexy ever again.