Asexuals Who Have Sex
- Posted on
- By L
Asexuality is characterized as a lack of sexual attraction- but that doesn’t mean asexual people don’t have sex.
I know, it’s a confusing sentence- the word asexual would denote that somebody doesn’t have sex, right? In the world of plants, maybe. In the world of humans, it’s a little bit different. A lack of sexual attraction doesn’t mean a disinterest or disgust with sex as a concept, which brings us to this post’s topic: non sex-repulsed asexual people.
WHAT IS SEX REPULSION?
Exactly what it sounds like. A sex-repulsed asexual person is someone who, on top of not experiencing sexual attraction, is disgusted or distressed by sexual acts, thoughts, or imagery. Being sex-repulsed is part of the individual's sexual orientation and can range in severity for each person. They might feel disgust, distress, or discomfort when confronted with sexual acts or even the idea of them. The degree of repulsion can vary from person to person and can even change over time for an individual. For example, one person might be repulsed by sexual imagery but can tolerate other people discussing sex with content warnings, while another might feel sick at just the thought of it. This is not mutually exclusive with other identities: A sex-repulsed asexual person can also be aromantic, romantically attracted, or have a different romantic orientation.
SEX NEUTRAL/SEX POSITIVE ASEXUALITY
So hold on- if you AREN’T disgusted by sex, then what makes you asexual? There’s a difference between experiencing sexual attraction and having sex. Many sex-neutral asexuals describe having sex feeling like just another task one could perform, like playing a sport or going to a job. For a lot of sex-neutral asexual people, it’s about their partner’s pleasure, and not their own, so they might sexually service their partner and not want any reciprocation. Same with sex-positive asexuality- the experience is fun and even pleasurable, but there’s no drive to chase it again. It’s fun while it happens, but if it didn’t really happen again, that’s no big deal. I know an asexual person who likened sex with their partner to a game/performance- the enjoyment is in seeing how well they can pleasure their partner and embody their role as “someone having sex”, similar to how an actor might feel proud of a particularly good performance.
There are many configurations of asexuality, and sex-repulsed is just one of them. Asexuality is a spectrum, and anyone who falls on that scale could have any combination of feelings about sex. Demisexuality, for example, is when someone is asexual until they can forge strong interpersonal connections with someone, and only then they might feel sexual attraction to them. Whether you find it helpful to label it or not, know that there are always other people like you out there experiencing something similar. We’re never quite as alone as we might feel.