What is Subspace?
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- By L
We wrote a post about Sub Drop (the come down after being in Subspace) a while ago- but didn’t write one about what Subspace actually is! We fix that today. (sourced from Healthline’s “A BDSM Beginner’s Guide to Subspace”)
Subspace refers to the trancelike state some submissives experience during BDSM play. While subspace can feel different for different people, many describe it as feeling “light,” “euphoric” “floaty,” or “like [their] brain is mush.”
Endorphins are generally released when the body experiences pain or stress, or when its natural reward center is activated by things like working out, eating, or — you guessed it — having sex. For some, the combination of pain and pleasure experienced during a BDSM scene can result in reaching subspace.
Though it is an altered state, there isn’t anything to suggest that subspace is inherently unsafe. It’s just your neurochemicals feeding you some happy hormones!
It’s important to note one thing, though: You can’t give consent while in subspace.
“Both of you should be aware that subspace can significantly affect the submissive’s ability to communicate and interpret their limits,” says kink educator Quinn B., founder of Unearthed Pleasures, an online coaching and kink education platform.
This means subspace — like being high or drunk — can affect your judgment. While in subspace, many people agree or ask for things that are out of their “sober” comfort zone.
“In general, all parties should take note of that submissive’s specific subspace behaviors and make adjustments to the scene to continue to ensure consent, communication, and safety,” she adds. “Most importantly, never negotiate or renegotiate any aspect of a scene when the submissive is in subspace.”
The word “negotiate” is key here. In kink, a negotiation is a conversation between partners that happens prior to the scene. Partners will discuss how they want the scene to play out so there are no surprises (unless there are supposed to be!).
During negotiation, partners often discuss desires, safe words, aftercare, and other sexual safety protocols, as well as hard (something you won’t do) and soft (something you might be down to try) limits. The aim is to be clear as possible so nobody leaves the scene feeling like they were taken advantage of.
What does it feel or look like?
“This is the fun part about subspace because it can look so many ways,” says Quinn B. Think: “Lots of giggling, glazed eyes, a sort of daydream-like expression, the person going nonverbal, far-off gazing, a primal state.”
Quinn B. continues, “a common theme when submissives describe it is feeling “floaty,” almost like being both in yourself and outside yourself simultaneously.”
Subspace is different for everyone, but it generally makes folks feel a little more relaxed. When experiencing subspace, you may feel like you’re in a trance, like it’s hard to articulate yourself, or even like you’re a little drunk (without the spins!).
Preliminary research found that subspace — and, by extension, topspace — may align with different altered states of consciousness. Topspace was identified as akin to flow state (a.k.a. being in the zone).
Researchers found that the same may be true of subspace, but that it’s more aligned with the transient hypofrontality theory.
This theory suggests that your levels of consciousness are layered, like an onion. By peeling back the layers containing your more complicated cognitive abilities, you may be able to slow down your brain for a period of time. In other words, you can turn the thinking part off.
To sum this all up: Through kink, subspace can help submissives turn their brains off for a moment.
What’s more, research suggests that shedding your identity for a moment can be a stress reliever. This process can happen in a number of ways, but subspace, in particular, can help you release the constant pressure to maintain an identity. Subspace can be a form of escapism that allows many to release societies’ preconceived notions of self.
However, being submissive or taking on a more submissive role doesn’t mean that you absolutely must experience or aim for subspace. Some people don’t experience subspace at all.
If you aren’t able to or have no desire to get into subspace, that’s totally OK! Try not to let anyone guilt you into thinking you’re doing it “wrong” when you’re participating in consensual play that makes YOU feel happy.
Often, subspace is triggered by the intensity of a scene. For some, this involves impact play like spanking or flogging, for others it’s a verbal barrage or confusion tactic, or even through sensory deprivation. At the end of the day, subspace is really about being overwhelmed.
Other activities that may evoke subspace:
- Edge play: a form of orgasm control where one partner repeatedly brings another to the brink of orgasm
- Bondage: rope tying that can include anything from binding the hands to full on suspension
- Role play: assuming roles like master/servant or teacher/student to allow full immersion in the scene
It all depends on your degree of buy-in: if you don’t want it to happen, it’s not going to. It’s not the kind of thing that someone can force you to enter (unless that’s a dynamic you’ve been fostering consensually). All that being said, be careful when engaging in it- it’s a very vulnerable place to be in, so treat yourself kindly and carefully.
And now that you know about Subspace, you can read our post about Sub Drop and aftercare! Good luck.