If Your Daddy Dom Barks Like A Pup
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What is it about our society that makes cisgender straight men feel like they have to be dominant? What are some ways to undo that feeling of obligation?
It's no secret that we live in a patriarchal society. But that affects everybody, regardless of gender. One of the ways in which this affects men is that there is a pressure to be strong and dominant- to be leading and strong-arming and to always be right. It is built into our society that this is how men are expected to act- and this extends into the bedroom. Similarly, the way women are expected to be meek and submissive and subservient in the world makes its way into the bedroom as well, and as a result there are a lot of sexually submissive men trying to dominate, and a lot of sexually dominant women trying to submit. This helps no one, and just leaves everybody feeling unfulfilled, and certainly not getting off. The role you take on in sex has no moral attachment- it is not better or worse to dominate or submit, it is not bad to be a submissive man, nor is it bad to be a dominant woman. People who don't ascribe to either of those labels are completely erased from the equation, instead being forced into whichever role those around them deem they should be in- which is another way to reduce someone to what gender someone thinks they are. We can't solve the patriarchy in this blog post, but we can give you some tips on how to keep it out of the bedroom.
If you're just starting out, haven't explored your sexuality much, but feel a dissatisfaction with the role you've been playing during it, your first step should be exposing yourself to other possibilities. Look through subreddits and tumblr tags, porn aggregators and discussion forums, anywhere people are talking about sex and kink, anywhere where people with different kinks than you might be conversating. How would you ever find out you're into findom if you never encounter it, you know? How would you ever find your passion for being stepped on if you don't even know that's an option? Curate your tastes, figure out what works for you, and try not to judge yourself if you find yourself into something that you maybe regarded with suspicion before. If you're into piss, you do yourself no favours by pretending not to be into piss. Don't shut yourself off from something just because you think it might be weird or wrong. If it isn't (unconsensually) hurting anybody, there's no reason to judge.
The first thing in practice is, as it often is, communication. Talk about what is sexy with your partner, and get on the same page with them, especially if you had been having sex before you found new things that turn you on. The first step to changing things is talking about changing them, so have a talk with your partner, figure out what they'd be comfortable with, and if you're met with hostility, perhaps consider seeking a new partner. Life's too short to be having bad sex.
Overall, if you go through all these steps only to find that your sexuality is in fact exactly what you thought it was, don't fear! It's never a waste of time to explore yourself and possibilities about yourself, and every new thing you learn about yourself, whether it aligns with your previous conceptions of yourself or not is a new part of yourself that you can be sure of, and can use to find your way through the world on your own terms. You don't have to be a daddy dom if you don't want to- it's okay to want to bark like a dog instead.