Kink vs Fetish
- Posted on
- By L
These words often get thrown around interchangeably- but what is the actual difference?
Let me start by saying that this is the subject of much debate and disagreement. A lot of people use “kink” and “fetish” interchangeably, just to mean any kind on non-standard/unconventional sexual preference or practice. And for most people this is fine- it gets the point across and everybody knows what you’re talking about. However, for scholars like you and me, this will not do. So, let’s get into the differences between the two, following the most agreed-upon definitions.
According to most people in the community, kink is an unconventional sexual preference or behavior that enhances pleasure, while a fetish is generally considered an intense, often necessary, requirement for sexual arousal. Kinks are additions to sex, whereas a fetish involves a specific, non-living object, situation, or body part that becomes the primary focus of sexual desire.
I know, surprising, right? The necessity inherent in fetishism is interesting, since this means that a lot of people who are called foot fetishists are in fact just people with foot kinks. Someone who enjoys a little toe lick is completely different to someone who must engage with or think about feet to get off at all. This is not to say that one is better or more moral than the other- not at all! Both kink and fetish can be dangerous and unsafe, even predatory when engaged with without consent of all involved parties, and just because one has become a little less taboo in these recent years doesn’t mean it’s any more valid than the other.
Now let’s clear up some misconceptions. I’ve heard some people say that kink is consensual whereas fetish is not, and this could not be further from the truth. Both kink and fetish can and should be engaged with consensually. Even in roleplay situations, remember what that first C in CNC stands for! I’ve also heard people describe kink as something you do with a partner(s) and a fetish as something you engage with alone. This is a little more true, in that engaging with a fetish usually starts by at least one party experiencing that fetish, but many fetishes, such as hypnosis, REQUIRE another person’s presence in the first place.
Kinksters and fetishists alike, you are not so different! And in any case we must join hands and fight side by side against purity culture- and we will only be able to make a dent if we’re in it together.
Hope everyone with an unconventional turn on had a very happy and unconventional valentines day!