Sexy vs Unsexy Words for Genitals
- Posted on
- By L
Is your dirty talk falling flat? Do you find yourself cringing when you say certain words? Let’s solve this with cold hard data.
It’s no secret that talking about sex can be awkward. Whether you’re trying to initiate it or just trying to learn a little something, it’s easy to stumble over your words when it comes to speaking them out loud. As someone who works at a sex shop, I’ve seen it many a time where someone will come in wanting to purchase a dildo or a vibrator, but can’t seem to say the words, and so will just gesture to what they need. Which is fine, obviously, but as someone who is immersed in the language of sex all day multiple times a week, I do not share this trepidation. I definitely don’t represent the general population on this though, and many people agree that there are good words and bad words to use for genitalia depending on the situation. If you’re doing comedy, pretty much any word will work depending on your delivery- as long as you deliver it confidently, the shock of hearing such a "taboo" word will often provoke a laugh. But that’s not what you want, right? You wanna know how to maximize sexiness in terminology. Well, look no further, I personally as a pet project polled a lot of people a few years ago about what they thought the best and worst words for genitalia were, and I have been holding on to this precious knowledge ever since, but no more. Now you will be bestowed this incredible knowledge as well.
WORDS FOR PENIS
This one is always fun. Because in our patriarchal society, cis male bodies are not inherently sexualized in the same way cis female bodies are, the words for penis are vast and varied and almost all funny. Amongst the worst words for penis according to my poll are Wand, Porkstick, Member, Manhood, and Piston. Honourable mention for the booktok special, “Velvet Wrapped Steel”. If you’re trying to set a mood, both dancing around it or being overly specific are sure to put a damper on things. However, using actual word “Penis” was also found to be overly clinical and not that erotic. The two winners, unsurprisingly, were “cock” and “”dick”. The fact that these are two words considered course language or swearing should lend credence to the fact that they actually carry a weight to them. They have that taboo feeling without actually being risqué and are an easy single syllable.
WORDS FOR VAGINA
This one’s a bit trickier. Since the men who deign to create words for things have more reverence for their own bodies than womens’, the words for vagina are often either gross or overly sanitized. Amongst the worst words for vagina according to my poll are Meat Canyon, Folds, Mound, Womanhood, Blooming Flower, and Wetness. Points off for any nicknames that mention fish. In terms of the least egregious, in a contrast to penis, vagina is actually a fine sexy word for itself, not coming off as clinical as penis does because of the contrast of its more crass counterparts. Pussy is a top contender, even though it feels a little bit misogynistic at times depending on the use. There is a case to be made for Cunt, rude as it is, for less tender more rough and tumble sex. Cunt shares the Cock and Dick blueprint of being a single syllable swear word, but it is admittedly a more loaded term than either of them.
These are obviously not airtight rules, but they’re a pretty good way to play it safe, especially if you don’t know your partner’s feelings on it yet. While I’m sure there’s someone out there that gets absolutely grossed out by having their penis referred to as a cock, you’ll find way more people who get cringed out by having it referred to as their Manhood. And if you’re coming into the store looking for something specific, don’t be afraid to just ask. I promise you we’ve heard worse.