Why is Fear Arousing? (BDSM Edition)
- Posted on
About fear and arousal this Halloween season.
Have you ever felt nervous excitement when you’ve been playfully naughty? Maybe you’ve riled your partner up and you know there will be a kinky punishment later, or you enjoy being chased (bring tag back! It’s great fun). Let’s see how we can play with fear and arousal this spooky Halloween season.
Today we’re stepping into BDSM a little more. As per usual, it is important to engage with someone you trust. Set your limits and safe words. Talk about it before getting kinky. Create the scenario. Check in often. Regardless of how “crazy” you plan on getting, this is the basis for a safe and healthy BDSM relationship.
So why is fear arousing?
We like to have fun and experience things. This is like those that enjoy horror movies. Genuine fear from stressors in life is not good, stressful, or unenjoyable. However, when you know you are safe, it’s easier to enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes with being scared. It’s a thrill to explore in a safe space. Anticipation can be a powerful emotion that can control you.
What creates anticipation and fear is different for everyone. Here are some ideas to get you thinking though:
A punishment scene if you’ve been bratty. Have someone scold you and use impact play.
A correctional scene where your dom trains you to be their perfect fit. Maybe a collar and leash to spice it up more?
An edging session from your partner where you have no control. Blindfold and restraints just to really make sure you can’t squirm away.
If you want to get festive, incorporate spooky tropes. Kidnapped by a vampire? Getting touched by a ghost when sleeping? Halloween is a great time to get a little whimsical with it.
We’ll always say it, a million times or until the world explodes, consent is key. Anything sex related shouldn’t be one sided. Listen to each other and stop means stop. Whether stop is tapping out or saying “perpendicular” or simply saying “stop,” you best stop.
It’s also super important to engage in aftercare post scene. Every party could use aftercare. Discuss what this looks like for you when you are planning your scene. A Dom needs care too, so don’t leave them hanging. Maybe a spooky movie and snacks will do well this month.
Peace and love.