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There are few things that impress me as much as a very confident woman. It so happens that this also crosses over into sex and intimacy and does for many other people as well. Being a dominate female in other words a femme dom in regards to BDSM is something I had to learn over time and am still developing and improving.

 Dominating is going to be different for everyone and not everyone even enjoys that role. If you do though there are some ways you can improve you and your partners experience.

Communicate expectations. Start with the basics of setting hard and soft limits for you and anyone else involved. Set your safe word whether it be a word or a non-verbal que. See if there is a particular role you or your partner want to take that day and try and explore it deeper. My broad goal for any scene is to feel fulfilled and like I have explored that particular avenue as best I can with my partner so that all parties feel satisfied.  

Get out of your head! Maybe this is just me but I have trouble planning ahead in my head and not enjoying what is happening at that moment. The best scenes though are when you get lost and don’t worry to much just enough to stay safe. I also find going over your experience with you partner is super important which seems obvious but people can get caught up in the idea that Doms need to know everything as the one in charge. You can’t tie up your partner if you have very little experience rigging and its best to be honest about your abilities.

Really it all comes back to confidence. Confidence that you have found in your self plus through preparing and educating your self. My favourite foreplay is research because I am a nerd but it can really help you set up a better foundation of confidence for you to actually act on your fantasies. Books are a good place to start, and we have lots on bdsm at our Vancouver sex shop The Art of Loving along with any toys you may need to be the confident dom you have always dreamed of being.