Great sexpectations: How your mindset shapes your love life

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Great sexpectations: How your mindset shapes your love life

Your sex mindset can dictate how you deal with problems in the bedroom, with huge consequences for relationship quality.

Psychologist Jessica Maxwell, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Auckland, New Zealand, investigates the ways our beliefs can influence our intimate relationships in the short and long term. On the one hand, there is the “sexual growth mindset” – the belief that satisfaction requires effort and work. On the other, there’s the “sexual destiny mindset” – the idea that natural compatibility between sexual partners is the key factor that allows couples to maintain sexual satisfaction, which means that any struggles in a sexual relationship can signal the relationship is destined to fail. 

In a series of studies, Maxwell has found these mindsets can dictate the ways people deal with problems in the bedroom, with huge consequences for the quality of their relationships. Her research suggests that by forging more constructive ‘sexpectations’, we might all enjoy a healthier and happier love life. 

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