Myths Society Wants Us to Believe About Monogamy – And Why They’re Harmful

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Myths Society Wants Us to Believe About Monogamy – And Why They’re Harmful

There are a lot of messages about monogamy that not only place it on a pedestal but also demonize any other relationship arrangement that doesn’t fit into this box. It harms non-monogamous people, who struggle to find acceptance. It also harms anyone (monogamous or otherwise) who allows society to write the rules, rather than collaborating with their partner(s) to write their own.

Monogamy used to operate like a security blanket for me. I felt safe knowing that my partner could only be with me and that I would never have to confront the reality of their being emotionally or physically attracted to anyone else.

But I quickly realized that monogamy didn’t actually protect me from feelings of jealousy or make my partner magically unattracted to other people – it just made it easier to ignore it or not confront it.


When I was in monogamous relationships, I took for granted the important conversations that need to take place around what I was and wasn’t comfortable with. Which ultimately meant that a lot went unsaid and that only led to hurt feelings.


But if we fall back on the assumption that monogamy protects us from cheating and jealousy – that the rules are obvious, and therefore goes without saying – it doesn’t encourage us to have explicit and open conversations about our feelings and our boundaries.


In fact, because monogamy is considered the default in our society, polyamorous identity can sometimes be confusing and even unacceptable to some.


That attitude makes a lot of sense, though, if you think about some of the myths we’re made to believe about monogamy. So here are four myths about monogamy – and why they’re so problematic.


To read more of this article by Noah Redd, click here