Sexplain It: I Have a Micropenis and Struggle With Premature Ejaculation

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  • By Zachary Zane
Sexplain It: I Have a Micropenis and Struggle With Premature Ejaculation

"I'm scared because of what my conditions will do to my love life."

"I have a micropenis and [struggle with] premature ejaculation. I am 20 years old and have never had any sexual partners, so I don't have any experience—but I am scared because of what my conditions will do to my love life. Like, will I ever get married? Will I have any kids in the future? Every time I masturbate, I can't last more than 10 seconds. Also, I can hold my penis with both my fingers. I am really worried and don't know what to do. Please help me…"

— Small and Scared



Dear Small and Scared,


I cannot tell you how many men write into Sexplain It worried about their small penis. It is seemingly the biggest concern men have about their sex life. (I receive more questions about penis size than erectile dysfunction, though I would say that’s a close runner-up.)


I won’t give you some bullshit answer here, saying your micropenis won’t be an obstacle in your life. It will. We live in a world obsessed with penis size (however backward that mentality is), and you, sadly, didn’t win the genetic lottery. Some women won't be into you because they're size queens, and there's nothing you can do about that. But your micropenis isn't an insurmountable obstacle. You can still find love, have kids, and do everything else you've dreamed of. Other women will be fine with your penis—assuming you're otherwise confident, kind, and attentive.


Now, I’ve answered questions about small penises before. I'd rather devote this column to the fact that you're "really worried and don't know what to do." Let's get grounded by acknowledging which things are actually in your control and which things are not—and, therefore, aren't worth obsessing over.


Not worth obsessing over: your penis size. No amount of rumination is going to make your penis longer or thicker. Yes, there are surgical ways to make your penis bigger, but they're expensive, risky, only sometimes effective, and definitely not capable of supersizing a micropenis. When you constantly worry about something you can't change, your mental health and self-worth deteriorate—which, by the way, makes you less primed for a successful relationship.


As for what is in your control? First up: your bedroom skills. Get good at using your hands and mouth. At Men's Health, we've written extensively about how to perform oral sex on a vulva and finger a person with a vulva. Don't forget that the majority of vulva-owners cannot orgasm via penetration alone; they either need (or greatly prefer) clitoral stimulation in order to get off.


Second: lasting longer before ejaculation. You can "train" yourself to last longer through edging, which is when you bring yourself right to the point of orgasm, but before you cum, you stop touching yourself, breathe, and reduce arousal. Once your arousal is down, you start back up again and repeat. In your case, it may mean you go for five seconds, stop, breathe for twenty seconds, and then go for five seconds again. That's totally fine. Over time, those five seconds will increase to ten, 20, 50, and beyond.

There are medications, like Promescent, that help with PE as well. We delve deeper into how to solve premature ejaculation here.


Third: when you are eventually intimate with someone, use sex toys and maybe even a penis sheath, which you place on your penis to increase your length and girth. Now since you have a micropenis, you may have to do some trial and error because you don't want your penis sheath falling off. But if you get a sheath that secures in multiple places, like around your base and testicles, I think that can help keep it on. They're relatively inexpensive, easy to use, and fun.


Lastly, I'd start therapy if you haven't already. I'd specifically recommend cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help you get used to sitting in discomfort, accepting the things you cannot change, and focusing on the things you can. Therapy can also help you increase your self-esteem, growing your sense of self to no longer revolve around your dick. Because at the end of the day, there's a lot more to you than the size of your penis.