How to Taste Better Down There
- Posted on
- By L
Ever felt embarrassed about your taste? And I’m not talking about your Spotify Wrapped.
Whether you’ve had someone eat you out or you’ve finished in someone’s mouth after a blowjob, we can all relate to that worry about how we taste. It is, after all, very nice of whoever we’re getting down to business with to do us the service of getting their faces all up in our genitals, and it makes sense to want to give them something nice to taste. Obviously there’s no way to make these bodily substances taste not like bodily substances, it isn’t the Omegaverse. But, there are some ways to improve taste so you can get out of your head and into your body.
DRINK WATER
However much water you’re drinking, I guarantee you could double it and still not be drinking enough. And that’s just a health truth, not even having anything to do with taste. But! Dehydration actually can and does lead to a more bitter and organlike taste from cum and vaginal fluids. Whether it’s boosting the seminal fluids of the sperm or it’s flushing out toxins and balancing vaginal pH, water is your new best friend. Technically speaking it’s our original best friend, but we’ve been growing apart recently, so it’s time for a reunion. Just like how pee smells worse when you haven’t drank enough water, the same rule goes for your other bodily fluids and secretions.
DIET (THE PINEAPPLE THING?)
Diet overall plays a huge role in your body’s health and therefore taste and smell. The advice is slightly different depending on what equipment you’re packing away. If you’ve got a vagina, you’ll want to incorporate a probiotic into your diet, like a yogurt or kefir, whereas if you have a penis, dairy can make your sperm more sour or bitter. But for either, fresh fruits are a surefire way to up your sweetness and downplay your bitterness. High natural fructose fruits such as pineapple, kiwi, berries, and oranges are great for this. You’ve probably heard about specifically pineapple in this context before. That’s because pineapple is highly acidic, and people believe consuming it helps balance the body's pH (but, in actuality, our internal systems tightly regulate pH regardless of diet). There’s also the presence of bromelain, a protein-digesting enzyme found in pineapples. Some people believe it helps break down proteins in the body to create cleaner body chemistry, though this also has not been clinically proven. Most of the evidence is anecdotal, which shouldn’t be discounted! However, it does mean that there isn’t any concrete proof that pineapple makes you taste better than any other kind of fruit would. As far as things to avoid, anything pungent like onions, garlic, and spicy foods are contributors to bitter taste, as well as red meat and alcohol. But… how big a contributor are these things really? Big enough to actually not enjoy some of the best foods? I’m not convinced.
NO, LIKE, I NEED TO TASTE BETTER NOW
Okay, okay, I see the issue. There isn’t time to make a lifestyle change, we’re talking in a matter of immediacy. Well, if you hate fruit and water (which would be wild frankly) then we’ve got an alternative for you. This Self-Sweetener is the equivalent of nine pineapples, which, as we’ve established, work as well as any other fruit for sweetening. You can mix this little bottle into a cocktail or a drink, or just down it straight. It tastes great, and for the next twelve hours, so will you. Basically it’s a get-out-of-jail-free card for if you’ve been eating, I don’t know, steak covered in onions with red wine and coffee and have never even seen a fruit or taken a sip of water in your entire life. Actually I don’t know if it’ll counteract all that. If this describes you, let me know.
Keep in mind, though, that all of these changes can only do so much. Now matter how much pineapple you eat, you’re not gonna taste like pineapple. You will, at most, taste like a slightly sweeter/less bitter version of whatever you’re already working with. Ultimately, cum will always taste like cum, pussy will always taste like pussy, and if you can’t handle that then step aside! You’re holding up the line!
Happy tasting!