Gotta Hide the Evidence
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About hiding hickeys…
Hickeys don’t always mean sex. It can be a display of affection, a marking of devotion, or just means you had a fun time. You might like biting or light kisses. What might be less fun is having a job interview or dinner with your parents later.
I love hickeys. Some people might find them trashy. I think they are endearing. We love to pretend that we don’t enjoy intimacy. I’m not saying everyone should go out and have exhibitionist sex in public, but I don’t think sex and love is something to be ashamed about. Is it appropriate to go pick up your kid covered in hickeys? Probably not. But I think “appropriate” is much different than “ashamed.”
For whatever reason you want to hide your suspicious bruise, here’s some of the techniques that have worked for me.
Clothing
This is by far the easiest and fastest option. If you are lazy like me, just tell your partner to keep the biting under the shirt collar. Wake up, put on a shirt and run off into the sunset. Winter is a great time for cuddling and kissing since we can justify wearing turtlenecks. Let those hickeys hike up your neck. Be free.
Makeup
If you have a purple bruise, you will need green/yellow to neutralize the colour. Slapping concealer straight onto your hickey draws more attention and tells the world you’re hiding something. You will notice that the area of the hickey is pinker than the rest of the concealed area. That’s where the coloured concealer comes in. Put a thin layer of green (I recommend green since bruises turn yellow eventually and it looks weird with yellow in my experience) on and let it dry before applying your concealer.
Not my favourite because I sweat a lot and hate getting stuff on my clothes. High effort high cost, medium return. If your hickey is high on your neck and it’s too hot for a scarf, this is a good choice.
Whisk
My friend taught me this. At first I was doubtful, but it really works! You don’t have to use a whisk. You can use the back of a pen or something else blunt and round. I find that the whisk is the least painful and works the fastest. Put a bit of Vaseline or lube on your hickey and vigorously rub the pooled blood away. I like to spin the whisk like I’m trying to start a fire. The lubrication is optional, but I would recommend it to prevent friction burns. We’ve created a new problem in that case. Easier if you have someone to do it for you, but it is possible to do it yourself. The longer the better. Your skill WILL be red for a while so don’t do this last minute.
Cost is free and returns are high. Just takes a bit of time. Annd your hickey is proper gone. Less hiding and more ridding of your hickey.
If you got nothing going on for the day, you can also just embrace it. Have a nice little reminder every time you get a peak of yourself in the mirror.
Peace and love.