“For example, some folks who suffer from vaginismus or folks new to anal play might need something smaller, smoother with less texture, while someone else might need something larger that also vibrates,” Maya says.
Whether you choose a small strap-on, silicone strap-on, vibrating strap-on, or any of the other styles of straps out there, you should always go with what feels most comfortable to you and your partner(s).
How to use a strap on
Adding any kind of new sex toys or hardware can take some advanced planning, and strap-on sex is no exception. Communication is key, so you’ll want to make sure you and your partner are both interested in and excited about adding something like a strap-on to your sex life before you start.
“Talk to your partner(s) about wants and expectations around penetration, what feels good, and any gender affirming language you both might want to say or hear,” Maya says.
While there’s no right or wrong way to learn how to use a strap-on — what feels good to one person might not feel good for another — here are a few tips to help you get started and explore what works for you and your partner.
Once it’s confirmed that you and your partner are both into trying out strap-on play, you’ll want to get familiar and comfortable with how your new equipment fits and feels, especially before you dive in. “Think of strap-ons as a type of gear that you would wear for an activity like rock climbing,” said Jayne. “You may need to adjust the straps a bit, or get comfortable with the actual feeling or sensation of wearing a strap-on before you actually hope to use it.” Practice taking it on and off and get the straps adjusted in a way that feels comfortable for you.
Try setting the mood for your solo session or partnered strap-on sex with some good queer porn. Don’t feel pressured to recreate what you see on screen. Instead, leave the advanced moves to the pros and let the sexy visuals offer inspiration or start a conversation with your partner about what you might want to try together.
Once you’re up and running, take things slow — it can take some time to get the hang of moving your body in a new way. “Don't feel bad if you don't come out of the gate thrusting like a pro,” Jayne says. “Also, there is no shame in doing some quick stretching before you engage.”
Remember to keep communicating and checking in with your partner once you get going. “Introducing a strap-on can be incredibly fun and affirming,” Jayne tells us. “It can also introduce new dynamics to existing partnerships, which can be really exciting.” Talk through how it feels for you and your partner, physically and emotionally.
Once you get comfortable with the basic mechanics of strap-on sex, consider adding on some additional toys or strap-on accessories. Try placing a bullet vibe in the harness, or a vibrating c-ring around the base of the dildo.
How do I clean my strap-on?
Cleanliness is key to maintaining the quality, function, and longevity of any sex toy, though the best way to clean both a strap-on harness and dildo depends on the material they’re each made of. A gentle hand-washing with warm soapy water followed by an air-dry usually works best for harness materials like nylon, vinyl, and other fabrics. Other harness materials, like leather, may require more intensive maintenance, so make sure to follow any specific care instructions that might be included, or contact the manufacturer directly for more information on how to maintain your new purchase.
Splash-proof motorized dildos and other non-vibrating harness attachments made of silicone, glass, or stainless steel can also be hand-washed with warm soapy water, and should be cleaned after every use to avoid potential bacterial or yeast infections. “Always sanitize by boiling or using antibacterial toy cleaner when sharing toys between partners, or when a dildo is being used both anally and vaginally,” Maya says.
Once you’ve cleaned the harness and attachments, Maya also recommends storing both in their original packaging or a cloth pouch to keep them clean and dust-free.
Written by: Sofia Barrett-Ibarria on them