About Things I Would NOT Put Up my Butt…
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I mean you could, but I’ll go over the various reason why I wouldn’t/cannot.
We will not be talking about things that are not safe for insertion. Because that is boring. And that’d be most of the things at the shop.
If you’re an anal expert looking to spice up your gear, this list is a great place to start! I enjoy anal and finding crazy toys, but this is a list of products that instill fear onto me. Some toys are just intimidating. Other toys I cannot even feasibly use. Butt (haha I use this joke too much) let’s explore the fun world of anal toys are maybe get inspired.
B-vibe Rimming (Likely)
This toy comes in multiple versions, a remote control one and a smaller one. We’re talking specifically about the B-vibe Rimming 2 Camo Plug since it’s a bunch cheaper without the remote.
This one is not impossible to imagine using. Like a traditional plug, it has that smooth taper that makes it easy to insert. Unlike a traditional plug, the stem is thick. Oh also there’s a motor that spins around, massaging your sphincter. Things get tougher when you turn the vibration on. A powerful and unique plug, but we’re just warming up.
Booty Pumper (Only One Way)
This one is from the secret menu, you’ll have to visit the store to see it. Imagine a large butt-plug, add a tube that comes out from the stem, then attach a hand pump bulb.
To do the math for you, this is an inflatable butt-plug. Inserting it is like the B-vibe rimming. It’s shaped for easy insertion. If you buy this thing you’re probably getting it for the pump function. And if you use that pump function, the plug will expand in you. Good luck pushing that thing out. You can take it one pump at a time, but if you pump it too much you might be stuck. Just kidding, there is an air release button. There is a small and medium size since choice is good.
Njoy Disco (Maybe)
The gold standard stainless steel toy company, NJoy. When we first ordered the Disco, I though it’d be smaller.
Like all good stainless steel products, this thing is heavy. Handle holes provide a good hold to bonk an intruder. Or use to intrude your ass with. The weight of this thing will make it seem larger than it. It will pull downwards and make you fight to keep it in. Why it made this list is its shape. There is no place for rest. The chain shape will force you to stretch one way, then another. Looking at images does not adequately show the large curves of this toy. Seeing it in person is more intimidating than the product listing.
Eryndor (Only One Way)
Probably inspired by some popular IPs you can name. I don’t fantasize about those IPs, but that’s not the reason why it’s not going up my butt.
This thing looks brutal. While the spikes are soft and flexy silicone, my hands have experienced barbed wire and splinters. Silicone is chump change for my fingers. My butt on the other hand… That thing doesn’t really see the light of day. A little princesses trapped in a metaphorical spire. Insertion seems fine and grande but pulling it out. Yeesh. Better put some lube on your lube.
XL Ass Ballz (Unfeasible)
Simply, they are very large. Extra large, as stated. Billiard ball sized. Eep.
There are smaller sizes, but the four XL ballz could serve as a medieval bludgeoning weapon if you needed it. Not sure your local LARP society would appreciate bringing this in though. Silicone isn’t really of the period, so it’s not really appropriate to fight dragons with. I guess you could take on the Eryndor with it since they are both silicone. Anyway, the XL ballz are not crossing most peoples butt boarders. However, I know there is someone out there that is looking to upgrade. We gotchu.
If any of these products interest you, we’re open 7 days a week. Maybe not on holidays, we deserve breaks too. Just give us a call to check. We also keep our hours up to date on Google and our hours page. We also have more approachable toys that aren’t covered in spikes or as big as a billiard ball. If you got any questions, come visit us!
Peace and Love.