Having better sex in the autumn of one’s life is not surprising, says Dr Pega Ren, sex therapist and author of Xtra’s Ask the Expert column.
“We’re much better at sex when we’ve done it a lot,” she says.
“As we go through life, our behaviours change, and as our behaviours change our priorities change and our experience and knowledge base expands,” Ren explains.
“So here we are with this vast knowledge base and experience, and we’re ready to roll — and sometimes we have to make accommodations for a body that can’t perform as it used to,” she acknowledges.
A senior herself, Ren agrees Western society is hard on the aging when it comes to sex. “We become invisible sexually as we age,” she says. “You don’t see grannies selling lingerie.”
“It’s always about the young with the buff body, and the whole world isn’t like that,” says 80-year-old Clyde Rowett. “The whole gay community isn’t made up of buff bodies.”
Solo play is one of the best ways to connect with your own body and find what feels good (BTW, it’s a total stress reliever. You’re welcome). And when you invite your partner in? It can be a shared form of self-exploration and self-care.
Many of us have experienced trauma related to intimacy, and so many of us have experienced moments of getting triggered by that trauma when we are in situations where we want to be present and healed and connected. Adrienne Maree Brown provides some tips for what to do if you find yourself triggered, or suspect your partner is triggered, in a consensual sexual experience.
Anyone who has had trouble conceiving knows that the grief and stress of infertility can impact sex and relationships including our sexual connection to ourselves and sexual partners. It's important to know you are not alone in this. Couple's therapist, Beth Jaeger-Skigen, provides some helpful guidance in this article on how to find a connection to our sexual selves and our partners while going through infertility.
Brown Girl Magazine was created by and for South Asian womxn who believe in the power of storytelling as a vehicle for community building and empowerment. Check out this article on the ways the Indian Feminist Tradition of Tantra Honors and Celebrates Womxn Sexuality.
